The Tiny Ampersand Tattoo.

May 4, 2020; Monday

Back on August 20, 2019, I got myself a tattoo. A teeny-tiny one. Woohoo!

I've been wanting one for about 5 years already at that time but the combination of crippling anxiety and my phobia of needles just wins every time I try to decide what to get, thus ending up with the "I'll-get-it-next-time" logic.

Well, that, and my fear of my parents disowning me - I'm not even kidding about that (spoiler alert: they didn't. Thank God)

So my tattoo story isn't really an amazing one nor is it unique.

I wish it was. Man, that'd be cool.

But because all my life, I have been known to be this obedient, goody-two-shoes, boring, average girl who people always thought wouldn't do something that she's not supposed to do, having this tattoo is a very big deal for me and it's worth writing about.

You know that feeling when you spend days, months planning for something and it just doesn't happen and then, on a random day, without even thinking about it, something just snaps? All of a sudden you find yourself weighing down your pros & cons list, unhappy with it and scratching everything out and just saying "f*ck it"? This was one of those.

I was browsing on Instagram when I stumbled across this tattoo artist's profile who's an expert at fine line tattoos and they were so beautiful I couldn't stop scrolling until the end of his page. Then I saw this photo of a girl's wrist with the small ampersand tattoo. I didn't know what came over me but I just thought to myself *THAT'S THE ONE*. Just so happens the very next day, my classmate told me she's getting a tattoo from her Japanese friend and I immediately told her I'd get one too. I'm a big believer in signs so that was pretty much it for me.

So why an ampersand?

The word Ampersand is made up of two keywords – Per se & And. In Latin, per se essentially means by itself. I'd like to believe the ampersand on my wrist is my daily reminder that even if I face my troubles alone, I have to keep going, face the world head-on and as cliché as it sounds, not give up because my story isn't over yet.

My father always says: "You paddle your own canoe, so you have to always be strong."

Secondly, it's my favourite symbol and one of the most beautiful ones out there in the written language.

Thirdly, as simple as the "&" might look, it has a deeper meaning to it once you try and look for it which resonated with who I am. Always underestimated but there's more to it. People might so easily think they'd figure me out but I am much more than what I seem.

Growing up in a very strict family with very strict parents, this is by far the most "rebellious" thing I have ever done in my life. Little do they know, I'm gonna get another one (or two..) after quarantine ends. tee hee

Shout-out to Case-K (Tata) from Tin Drum Tattoo Studio in Toronto, Canada.

I'm glad I have this tiny thing engraved on me forever.

It only took 5 years to decide.

And oh, HAPPY STAR WARS DAY to you my reader. Whoever you may be.

May The 4th Be With You. Always. 💙

xx Mary